There’s many things in my life that literally scare me to death. Getting probed from an Alien Abduction, having my privates waxed, and marriage are just a few to name but one realistic scare that I face daily is what kind of situation Im going to deal with when I enter a public men’s washroom. I mean let’s face it, as guys we are absolutely disgusting. We have a weird private part, not to mention hair growing in a lot of places that it shouldn’t, as well we tend to stink…whether it be the feces we leave behind or the natural body odor we release. Still most of us are still civilized enough to at least realize that as a man when I display one of the aforementioned drawbacks listed above we will clean ourselves up so we have a remote chance of scoring a date with the opposite sex. We stink, we take showers. We have back hair, some of us wax it. We get fat, well…we get fat.
Yet when the opposite sex isn’t able to enter our domain it seems as a species us males tend to lose all that we have learned. I of course am talking about our private sanctionary….the Men’s Washroom.
Ladies this is what a Men’s Restroom often looks like
Why
It’s pretty simple. Why? Why do we put ourselves through such hell. Do you not flush your toilets when your at home? Of course you do, so why is it no one wants to flush in a public restroom? I’ve seen so many things this past year alone that is enough to make me think twice about ever using a public restroom again. Saturday night at the Crown and Anchor was the culmination in all things wrong with what happens in the Men’s Washroom, but I’ll get to that a little later.
What I can’t understand is our thought process when it comes to visiting the washroom. My first experience with a night club washroom left a negative impact on me and perhaps that’s why I am writing this right now. I was at the late great Thunderdome in Edmonton, I had just turned 18 and was enjoying a night out on the town after having spent a fantastic evening in a luxury suite at Rexall place. Things we’re good…at least they were until I had to take a piss at the bar. Needless to say I enter the washroom and find all the urinals full. I proceed to the toilets.
Door number 1 had toilet paper welted on the seat with some healthy leftovers from someones dinner (puke) also on that same toilet seat.
Door number 2 had essentially the same repertoire but the leftovers were from the exit, not the entry like the first one.
Finally door number 3. I had taken Mrs. Swanson’s science class years before and had passed with honors so I knew all about the surface tension effect (for those of you who failed, think of how water tends to rise above the rim of the glass without spilling over). This was one science experiment that we never tried, most of the time we used liquids such as water…not urine. That’s right, door number 3 involved the surface tension experiment of urine in a toilet.
After opting out on using the toilets I decided on the urinals which werent a lot better and Im quite confident I spent the rest of the evening trying not to continue to break the seal.
Would you sit on it?
Not Near as Bad
After having gone through that episode at the Thunderdome to putting up with the smell of urine in the men’s washroom at Oil City in Edmonton I thought I had seen it all…but then last night came around. I had heard horror stories of the the bathroom at the Crown and Anchor a few times but wasn’t overly offended my first visit there. After last night I will never look at a toilet or that bathroom the same way.
Traumatizing Pee Break #1
Was going pretty well. I strolled in for a leisurely piss at the urinal. A guy entered behind and was about to wait in line before he seen the toilet stall door open. Upon entering he gagged, turned around, and told me not to look in there. Being an idiot curiosity got the best of me and I peaked my head through the door to see a steaming pile of shit somehow magically placed on the back corner of the toilet seat. How…I don’t know, more importantly why? What would posses anyone to miss that wide gaping whole by that much. Seeing someone shit in the tank at the lions den wasn’t nearly as bad as this. I felt sorry for one who was stuck cleaning up that mess.
Traumatizing Pee Break #2
Using my better judgment I refused to enter the bathroom stall and waited for one of the urinals to free up. The guy on the left was pissing…the guy on the right I originally believed had passed out against the wall while he was taking a piss. Boy oh boy how I wished that were the case. Instead I clued in at the last moment that this guy was pulling the goalie…that or he just had the most orgasmic and fulfilling pee imaginable. That’s right, to top my night off I, along with another guy, had to wait in line to piss while one guy worked his way up and reached fruition.
Creepy no?
Sit on this toilet and you will wind up with the Clap
Please Help!!!
The next time you use a public washroom, especially one in a night club can you at least be considerate enough to follow some of these simple rules.
1. Flush – No one wants to experiment with how high the urine level can get. Not to mention we don’t need to deal with the smell of leftover pee in a toilet. As men we stink enough.
2. Hit the Bowl! – Not the side, not on the floor, not on your pants. If your that drunk where you can’t pee straight then you should probably head home.
3. Hit the Bowl 2! – Same thing, just not with urine, more so the brown stuff.
4. Use it Properly – That means use the equipment as it was intended. Don’t think you’re funny by filling the toilet water tank up with shit. Someone still has to clean that.
5. Wash Your Hands – It amazes me to see how many guys use public bathrooms, make a mess, and touch broadjournos all while not washing their hands after being in some scuzzy bathroom.
6. Don’t Be Lazy – This more so refers to the home toilet but can be applied to other toilets flushed round the world. Clean it. There is a reason your toilet gets disgusting, it’s because you let it get disgusting. Clean it once a week and even girls will use it.
I wonder what its like on the other side
Perhaps if any females haven’t been scared off from this yet they can comment on if the sanctionary of the females bathroom is any different, or do girls actually keep the bathrooms clean enough…they would have to wouldn’t they? We have the privilege of standing up to pee so I would think women would be considerate and far more trained to keep things civilized in there. I think every Mustang can be in agreement that the ladies bathroom upstairs next to our dressing room and ping pong table is a lot more comfortable then the mens. Both clean but the girls smells better.
Still I’d like to find out for sure if the other side is as repulsive as us…if they keep things clean Im sure at some point I will get thrown out of a bar for refusing to use the men’s washroom.
It just has to be, there is no way a girl would leave a steaming turd on the toilet seat. Why? Well It’s simple really.
GIrls dont poop.
The post The Mens Washroom appeared first on HotstickyBun.